How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
