I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
