dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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