Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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