Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
