you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
