"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
