maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
