Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
