He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
