Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
