I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
