im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I skipped work to stalk him.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
