If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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