nut hugger
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
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