I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
