and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
