Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
