When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
that's an acceptable place to lick
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize