Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
