i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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