I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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