It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
