It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
whose ass print is on the piano?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
