So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
The dick lei will go down in squad history
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
