her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
