I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I just had sex on a roof
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
