There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
