if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
