Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
