There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
