i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
