Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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