This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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