I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
