we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
