Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Randomize
