Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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