My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Randomize
