I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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