somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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