He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
