Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
