Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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