Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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