her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
