I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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