listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
