At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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