At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize