so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
