There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
