So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
