accomplished twins. life is a go
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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