I just saw a hot homeless man
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
