Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
