I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
