bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
