True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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