she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
