It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
