Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
