New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Randomize
