As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
