i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
