I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
