the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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