My girlfriend figured out who you are.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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