This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I don't want my vagina anymore.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
