Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
