My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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